New Attitude

It's been a long time... My life has been turned upside down, sideways, and backwards in the last 6 months. Trying to get back on your feet after such a thing is difficult, but I'm happy to say not impossible. I think I may be ok after all. I'm thankful for my family who is always looking out for me even when I wish they would give me space. I've learned who my real friends are and are not. It's amazing how looking from the outside in makes us re-evaluate everything. I'm now a single woman again living away from my family and trying to make it on my own. I'm happy to say I'm accepting and actually embracing this fact! This new attitude will hopefully be a positive twist for my life. Only time will tell.

The Shoe Just Keeps Dropping

You know that scene in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, where the two of them just fall, and fall for what seems like an eternity? This is my life. I feel like I'm spiralling out of control. It's official. T and I are through. I packed up all my stuff and moved in with mom and dad. But, on the bright side, if there is one, I'll probably have a healthier outlook on life now that I'm not being treated like shit on a daily basis. There's only so much a girl can take...
So, I'm apartment hunting and hoping to find something that won't break the bank, but that isn't a dump, either. I know-can't be done. But I'm trying to be optimistic.
Another bright note... it's finally stopped snowing after dumping 22 inches. As soon as my car is back in one piece, I just hope I won't get stuck. Plows are working hard, so should be a-ok by that time.

I've got time on my hands

I'm stuck inside all day for the snow and the fact I wrecked my car yesterday(pretty sure the bumper should be attached), so I'm finally taking some time to learn about this whole blogging thing and how it all works. I've wanted to add some videos, photos, music and such, but never knew how... so here's a few new items. Please also check out my new blip.fm tool(look up).

Also, my twitter habit is being nicely fed today. Thanx to all this free time I've also discovered tweetdeck-love it! well, back to new discoveries.

The Other Shoe

We've got a snow day! Again... I love living in North Dakota. If it's not hailing or flooding, it's a blizzard. Sorry I've been a little lax with my posts, but if you haven't heard, we've been battling mother nature this week. I do have to say one thing, though. It's been absolutely amazing to see the community come together. Only in the Midwest can you see this type of kindness. Check out what I mean at http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/03/red_river_flooding.html

So, anyway, I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop, right? I think it may soon. You see, I moved in with my boyfriend after knowing him only a month because we were so sure we were meant to be, and I didn't have money to get my own place and he wanted to take care of me. Things have changed a bit... due to my latest surgery, he saw a darker side of me as I took some of my pain out on him. It wasn't intentional... he was just the punching bag in front of me at the time. I was just basically bitching about the pain, but he took it as bitching at him. We really haven't been the same since.
No matter how many times I say "I'm sorry for taking it out on you" he just can't seem to forget about it. Like his image of me as the "loving girlfriend" has been tainted. I wish I knew how I could change this image in his mind. So frustrating thinking back on what we had and wondering if we'll ever find the same again. I just wanna rewind. If I had a clicker to just fast forward the past 6 weeks like it never happened and we could be exactly the same as before, I know we'd be that happy couple I remember.
So, if anyone has a magic clicker or a time machine out there, I'd love to talk! If not, I guess I'm just gonna have to deal.

In a mood...

I'm in one of those moods... you know the one... feelin' like gettin' a little silly, a little crazy, got a little evil smile on my face. Just add wine and tonight could be quite an adventure! I only wish I didn't work in the morning. :( It's all part of working retail, though. I make some pretty good sales on the weekend, so I guess it's just something I gotta deal with.

Anyway, back to this mood I'm in. I feel kinda out of sorts lately. I have this wonderful guy who loves me and whom I love, I'm almost done with my very amicable divorce, I have a wonderful family who supports me, and I'm healing nicely from my latest back surgery. But there's just something I can't put my finger on... Maybe I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things are just too good... It's inevitable for me to have something not right. Or, maybe I'm just imagining things... Maybe next week I'll figure it out, but for now, I'm gonna go out and celebrate the fact that my life is finally taking a turn for the better. I am still on a few good drugs, after all. Paranoia is a funny thing.

From Concert Withdrawls To Concert Disappointment

It had been over three months since I saw a band in concert and was so excited to see one of my favorite bands, "Shinedown" live last night. The opening acts, "HaleStorm" and "Saliva" totally rocked the house! We were on the floor, practically touching the stage and the sound was amazing! Then came time for the headliner. After half an hour of waiting through set change, the first two songs were great! The sound was mastered wonderfully! Then it all went downhill from there. They kept bumping the volume until all you could hear is distortion, and the lyrics were lost.

It hurts my heart. I absolutely love this band! The lead singer has a voice to die for, but if they drown him out, what's left? So sad. It was the first time I've ever left a concert early. Only one other time have I been this disappointed after a live show... "Garbage", a band I loved in the 90s. They almost ruined concerts all together for me. I have a feeling I'll be weary in the future to see another beloved band. Too bad a few bad eggs can ruin the bunch.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna stop listening to the albums, but a little respect is lost. If you've never heard these bands check out their pages. http://halestormrocks.com/ , http://www.shinedown.com/ , http://islandrecords.com/site/artist_home.php?artist_id=301

I am glad to say that I got to meet Lizzy Hale, lead singer/guitarist for "HaleStorm" (this chick can wail) and she was so genuine and happy to meet every fan. It's these bands that make the concert experience so great! I really look forward to the day they make it big and truely believe they will!

Stuff, Glorious Stuff

Ever notice how much stuff you accumulate over time if you're not careful? I lived in the same apartment for almost 8 years and still never unpacked all my boxes from the move there. Now, as I pack once again, it seems I'm weary of throwing anything out, yet I know the same will happen with some of these boxes. I guess I'm a pack rat. It's in my genes. Just ask my mom, but not while dad's around. I wouldn't want to start a fight.

You'd think I'd be more organized with my keepsakes, working in a photo/scrap booking shop and all. But I find little things all over that I intended to scrapbook so many times, and never found the time(or never pulled my butt away from the TV/computer screen long enough) to do.

I do hope this time I can do it right. I'm impressed already, at how I've labled boxes and done pretty well so far, but I know as I get down to the last boxes it's all gonna go out the window so I can get back to my TV/computer time. Who am I kidding... I'm a lost cause.

Happy State Darts Weekend!

I'm happy this weekend is State team Darts competition in town, but sad at the same time. Because of my surgeries I haven't been able to compete this year. I guess I'll just mill around the hotel ballroom saying hi to old friends with a drink in hand(sounds like any other year, so far) but without a team to throw with? Will be different! I guess I'll just have to be a cheerleader this year. We all need our little cheerleaders in life, right? It's my turn!

Who am I?

I'm having kind of a "where in the world do I fit" day. It just seems I live this life in a bit of a lifeless coma. I don't do much but explore the Internet universe (blogs, a few gaming sights, websites) and watch some prime time TV and call it a day. If I have a day off work, I revel in the fact that if there's nothing pressing I have to do that day, I can spend it in my jammies, or maybe shower sometime afternoon.
Do I have to be an "upstanding pillar of my community"? Or start volunteering my time at a shelter because I sometimes have spare time? Can I just be a slob sometimes? Does it make me a bad person to just lye around the house and do nothing productive?
It's actually the best day of my week when I have a day like that. I may be a bit of a social outcast, or dare I say, loser, but I'm pretty much OK with that. What am I gonna do? Go out to the bar and get hammered? Or worse, sit at home alone and get hammered? I guess I'm just realizing that life is mine to do with it what I may. And I may stay in my jammies and watch TV all day today. Sounds heavenly to me. Have a comment, please share.

Random Tuesday

I'm gonna try something new... I usually analise and re-analise everything before I publish a post, but today I'm just gonna ramble and see where it gets me.

I got to watch my first episode of late night with Jimmy Fallon last night since I could sleep in a bit this morning. I was suprised how natural he was! It almost seems as if he was made for the gig. I'm excited to see more from him and am still sad at the idea of Leno leaving because Conan will never measure up in my book.

Another thing on my mind this morning, this whole time change thing. I understand it's supposed to give us more daylight, but WTH? Can't we just accept what nature gives us? What gives us the right to play with time? It seems a little like playing God to me. I mean, why must we lose an entire hour of our lives when there already are too few hours in a day?

Monday blues

It's the start of a new work week, a week in which I will be working 3 hours a day... seems like a pretty easy schedule until you realize I'm the sort of person who needs an entire pot of coffee before she can function, and has a hard time pulling herself away from her computer to shower and ready herself for the day... so, in short, I need about 3 hours to ready myself to work for 3 hours.

I guess I should be happy I'm back to some sort of a schedule because since my surgery (4 weeks ago tomorrow) I've been a bit of a couch potato. I've had no "get-up-and-go" and seem to waste the day away. Maybe some discipline will do me good. Make me feel like a contributer to society once again. Wish me luck as I head back out to that mad, mad world. I have a feeling I'll need it.

Top 6 "Top 5" Lists

Here are some of my "Top 5"s. Feel free to leave some of your own "top 5 Lists" in the comments!
People who are just too happy for their own good:

1. Progressive commercial lady
2. Rachel Ray
3. Kelly from "Regis and Kelly" (whatever her name is, who cares?)
4. Al Roeker
5. Martha Stewart

Favorite "mad" TV personalities:

1. Chef Ramsey from "Hell's Kitchen" and "Kitchen Nightmares"
2. Judge Millian from "The People's Court"
3. Jay Leno
4. Simon Cowel from "American Idol"
5. Michael Moore (ok, so he's not a TV personality, but he's a great producer)

TV Personalities I can't get enough of:

1. Ellen
2. Cash Cab guy
3. Mike Rowe of "Dirty Jobs"
4. Craig Fergusen
5. "Mythbusters" guys

TV Personalities that annoy the hell out of me:

1. Drew Carey
2. David Letterman
3. Oprah
4. Dr. Phil
5. All of the people from zoos that bring animals on talk shows

Favorite TV Characters of all time:

1. Dharma from "Dharma & Greg"
2. Jack from "Will & Grace"
3. Karen from "Will & Grace"
4. Niles Crane from "Frasier"
5. Barney from "How I Met Your Mother"

TV Theme songs I love:

1. Saved By the Bell
2. Big Bang Theory
3. CSI (all of them)
4. Fresh Prince of Bel Aire
5. Cheers

A light at the end of the tunnel!

It's 39 degrees here in North Dakota today, if you can believe it! I see spring off in the distance! Woo, hoo! Shadow or no shadow, nicer weather is on it's way. Get out those Rollerbaldes and bikes, or just your walking shoes to get out there enjoying the sun in your face and the smell of flowers beginning to bloom! Only bad part of this all, is that we've had alot of snow here in the last 4 months and as it all melts, we have rivers gushing through the streets. My yard has a drainage route through it and I tell you what, I had to pull my car ahead, out into the street before I could leave for work this evening. Then proceed to balance on the small strip of pavement not in the "lake" and go back to the house to change shoes and socks. Back to the balance beam once again, and leave for work 5 minutes late. What a fun start to my work day!

My Top 30 Mp3's

So, Jen Lancaster, a writer/blogger at http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/whom I adore, dared some of her blog followers to list their top 30 songs on their mp3 playlist, so here goes:
1)Killing Me Softly-Lauren Hill and the Fugees
2)I Love Rock n Roll-Joan Jett
3)Workin' for a Livin'-Huey Lewis and the News
4)Lady-Little River Band
5)Harden My Heart-Quarterflash
6)Stand In the Rain-Superchick
7)In the Light-DC Talk
8)I'm Not Ready to Make Nice-Dixie Chicks
9)3 AM-O.A.R.
10)Evil Angel-Breaking Benjamin
11)Live Your Life-T.I. featuring Rihanna
12)Addicted-Saving Abel
13)All Mixed Up-311
14)Angel-Shaggy
15)Freedom-Akon
16)Stranger-Hillary Duff
17)Whatever you Like-T.I.
18)Hurt-Christina Aguilara
19)Dear Diary-Pink
20)Lithium-Evanescence
21)Buttons-Pussycat Dolls
22)Gravel-Ani Difranco
23)Volcano Girls-Veruca Salt
24)Tatoo-Jordin Sparks
25)Givin' Him Something He Can Feel-En Vogue
26)Rehab-Amy Winehouse
27) Fade Into You-Mazzy Starr
28)Fire and Ice-Enya
29)Ram Jam-Black Betty
30)My oh My- The Wreckers
So, there ya have it... I have no excuses. I like what I like. I'm all over the place and not a bit ashamed.

The Bachelor, The Final Rose

Good morning, all! Just got my coffee, so no one will get hurt. However, heartbreak was eminent last night on The Bachelor as Molly was sent packing and Melissa got the proposal she'd been dreaming about. I actually enjoyed watching this Final Rose as the shocker, DeAnna (The Bachelorette, who in her season did not pick him) came back to offer herself to him for a second chance at love. It was a fantastic twist!
What I didn't see coming(though my boyfriend totally did), is how he would dump the poor girl and change his mind. WOW! Well, i wish them all the best...
So, as I start my day today, I leave you with this... maybe pain and heartbreak are endured to make us stronger. I have to believe this, or else the world is just a cruel and unjust place.

Back to reality... yuck!

I've been home recovering from surgery for almost 4 weeks now, and though I've gone a bit stir crazy, going back to work wasn't great, either. Less than 2 hours and my back and feet are killing me! Everyone was great, though.. asking how things are going and wishing me well. It was nice to see them all. I guess I should give a few details... I work in a retail photo store owned by my parents. I work with them, as well as my brother, so as you can see, It's a family business.
Anyway, the moral of the story I guess is, being cooped up at home vs. going back to life as it was... I'll take a little more of each, please. Let me explain... Although it is good to be out, making money(much needed by the way after losing almost 9 weeks without pay due to recoveries), I really do wish I could have a little more at home time. It's this time that has introduced me to bloggers around the world, as well as Twitter(I'm a bit obsessed). So, I guess what I'm looking for is about 6 more hours in every day. That's my wish... to have 30 hours in a day. I'll get working on that and leave you with this: I just found out god is on twitter... It's about time he get with the program! hehe

More about me

OK folks, here's the deal. I have (or had) a bad disk in my lower back (between L4-L5) which buldged twice and each time I had an MRI followed by a visit with my neurosurgeon to have a discectomy (surgery to clip the piece of disc that was buldged). After 2 of these which were both successful for 2 months before they returned, the choice I made when the disc buldged for a third time, was to fuse the vertebre and just get rid of the damaged disc all together. That was 3 weeks ago. Recovery has been tough, to say the least. It almost meant the end of my relationsip with my live-in boyfriend, T. Turns out, I'm kind of a bitch when I'm in pain (who knew). I guess it all worked itself out (for now) and I'll keep on keepin on until I'm back to 100%. Doc says that should be in about 6-8 weeks after surgery, so we're talkin 3-5 more weeks of this sh_t. I'll keep you updated and get to a place where my posts will be a little more fun soon. For now, I'll leave you with this... Amazing race Season 14, episode 3, Sunday, 3-1-09http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race/ What the hell, Victor, you gotta listen to lil sis, Tammy, or you're days are numbered! And for God's sake, quit crying like a little baby on camera!

Takin a stab at it

Hey blog world! This is my first try at blogging my life. I must warn you it may not always be rainbows and lollipops, but it's my reality. I am a huge fan of some of the top reality shows out there, and may comment from time to time about them, but I also will just be gabbing about what goes on in my life and the world around me. I hope a few of you get a kick out of the things I have to say, and if I offend any of you, well, so be it. I will tell it like it is and there's nothing you can do to stop me.